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Warning: This journal is probably unnecessarily long, rambling and sappy so feel free to skip this one over. /endwarning

Okay, I generally don't use internet journals to talk about the stress I'm dealing with my life, because I have this thing where I feel like no one really needs to be burdened with my random 'oh nooo so stressed' garbage going on. But this actually has a bit to do with HiNaBN so here it is. This is my confession to you. I was worried writing it before, because I was afraid that it would always come off grossly unappreciative or self depreciating so hopefully this manages to be more conversational than that.

I love Hanna. It has turned into something bigger than I could ever imagine and it's amazing. I get blown away every time I open up the browser and I realize how many comments are left on the pages, how many people are drawing fanart, doing fanfiction, roleplaying the characters, and just investing their wonderful, valuable time thinking about Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name. I'm touched every time I go to a convention and it is the most surreal feeling in the world when I see lines of people coming up to talk to me, to dress up as the characters, people telling me they look forward to it every day and just the wonderful people I've met THROUGH the comic itself.

Personally? I don't understand really what it is about this comic that everybody loves. Sure, I love doing it, and I put myself into it entirely but I see it and I think it is goofy, horribly lame and I feel like I've got SO much to learn because whoa was that last page hideous or jeez was that dialog clunky or what the heck was I thinking when I did such and such. Before I go further, I also want to establish that this is not me fishing for compliments, but rather an explanation into my mind for the past few months. I'm not saying that Hanna is trash ewww why do you guys like it, I'm just saying I am not framing it and putting it on my wall like the next damn Van Gogh. The sense of pride I get out of doing the comic are from the lessons I've learned, and not necessarily the visible product itself (if that makes sense?). Anywhoo, moving on!

Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name was originally an experiment in the comic medium itself only, but the experiment has gone beyond that. It is my first time continuing something with the mind of finishing it, it is my first time doing something with a publisher, it is my first time investing my every day into an idea, as well as my first time really growing with each character so fully that the comic itself is just really truly about the characters and each other. Hanna is so many of my FIRSTS that it's amazing that it hasn't sunk to the bottom of the hypothetical creative ocean. I'm so grateful, because I feel so damn lucky that it hasn't.

On top of it all, I am an emotionally unstable person. I don't mean this to be an excuse or self depreciating, but rather state it in a self aware way. I dip in and out of people's lives not because I do not like people but rather, because I am terrified of wronging them and my own view of myself is so shaky and so .... unsure that every social outing is a stressball waiting to explode. I'm self conscious and nervous, and I have been fighting through so much ongoing self improvement and random ass issues created by my own mind that a simple dinner I have with people I only sort-of know knocks me off my feet because HOLY SHIT that was hard. For me.

But I love people. That's the thing -- Hanna, all my comics really, are all studies in people. But I'm bad at interacting with them. It's almost why my isolation makes the writing easier. I'm so like engrossed in my own mental goings on that it feels so real and then I put it in a comic and that's what you see. Forgive me for rambling, haha, this is actually really embarrassing to write (but amazingly making me feel a bit better).

Continuing onto that, con season has been incredibly hard for me. I don't want this (at any point) to feel like I do not like meeting you, or talking to new people, or just not enjoying cons at all, but rather explain my lame ass thought process. It is like....when you love running and you love it like crazy but you're pretty shitty at it and you ran a marathon but you had to do it at your own pace and it took twenty years and after you were done you felt like hibernating for another twenty because whhoaaaaa.

That's kind of like that. Essentially, sort of, only minus the running cos then I'd be in better shape. Anyways.

I am so grateful to you guys every day all the time that I always fear I come off too sappy in my posts, that I say it too often, and then alternatively I worry I don't say it enough or show it enough. I always feel like I'm somehow ripping you all off -- that whenever I miss something or don't get something done earlier it is like a personal failure. Essentially, I am battling the weirdest battle of all. I am having to fight my own passion and tell it to calm the hell down a smidge.

I love the comic SO MUCH right now it is almost self destructive. When it was just this fun thing I did it was a completely different mental battle. Oh that page sucked? Its okay, tomorrow's another day! I could take a jaunty step forward and everything would move on and my own negativity forgotten. Now I screw up on a page or something and my mind stumbles, thumbing through all the ways I wish I had done something better and how oh god, I am messing everything up. I am clinging to every mistake I make (every, not just in the comic) and obsessing over it like thinking about it for a million hours is going to make the mistake undo itself. Which, we all know doesn't happen.

Hanna (the character and comic itself) was supposed to teach me to be able to move on, a lesson in the purest form of 'tomorrow is a new day' and oddly enough I'm so attached to it now that I am not even listening to myself and all I'm doing is thinking about yesterday. I'm dwelling, I'm sinking in my own self doubt, I'm screwing my own self over. These past few weeks (I guess while also being sick helped? Hooray?) I had some sort of epiphany, realizing what it was that was making doing what I was doing so hard. It's like if Hanna (the comic, not the dude...although that would be pretty funny) was my casual friend before and now I was making love to it and marrying it and stalking it to work and taking pictures of it when it though I was at home baking an apple pie.

Creepy of me, yes.

So essentially, this huge long rambling ass mess of a journal is just sort of an explanation to you. Why does Hanna take so long to update these days? This is probably why. Am I going to stop doing it? Hell no. Am I finally going to figure my shit out?

Of course. That's what the whole experience is all about, even if it takes forever. I don't see this as just this thing I do every once in a while, I have grown so much in a YEAR from this damn thing I'll be damned if I stop now.

All in all, abridged version means thank you for everything even if I never reply or never get a chance to fave your awesome creativity, or say hi or get to be personally grateful to you. I am working hard to figure out how to use this experimental comic I started to grow in art, story, and character, and for the journey and experience through the comic to be worthwhile not only to myself, but hopefully (just maybe) to any of you who happen to read it at any time and enjoy it. Because in the end, we all float on okay.
  • Mood: Guilty
  • Listening to: We All Float On - Modest Mouse
Add a Comment:
ine-rocks Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2015
"Am I going to stop doing it? Hell no. Am I finally going to figure my shit out? Of course. That's what the whole experience is all about, even if it takes forever."

"I'll be damned if I stop now."

So, it's been 5 years... What's it gonna be? No-one knows.

Here's what I think, this is all subjective opinion of course: You signed with 4DE, and as you say here, you had trouble continuing. But you had signed a contract! So instead of waiting 'forever', 4DE sues you for not continuing a comic they just bought for publishing. You've sold them an incomplete product that is bound to stop selling abruptly as new episodes don't come out. This only stresses you more! So the probability of more episodes plummets. The result: You can't talk about the future of the comic, because the future of the comic is part of the lawsuit itself... that is my theory at least.

Just like you say here, all of this must be too much for you to handle. I understand that. Most of the people wouldn't be able to properly handle it, and would simply move on with other things and projects. You need to keep moving, as a person, and as an artist. I just hope with all my heart there comes a time when you can act of your own volition and finally decide (because clearly you don't have the obligation to) address the fans and solve the mystery that is HiNaBN's end.
We never expected a perfect comic, we liked it as it was, with its experimental feel, it's imperfections. Just like you described it here, the comic may have its flaws, then again, we all do! It's why we can relate, it's what made it so attractive and lovable in the first place.

I might be wrong about my theory, I'm 99.99999999999% sure you aren't reading these comments, and 100% sure you won't reply any. But I still wish you to finally feel happy with what you do, and to find that little self-confidence boost you need to handle things.

roika-elfili Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Student Digital Artist
:) i'm a new fan. you've been gone for quite a while, but if you ever read this, i just wanna say: please take your time, and don't worry about mistakes. i don't even notice the typos on your comic until someone points them out! xD

if you ever come back, please try to continue hinabn! i've come to love it so much, even if i was just introduced to it a week ago! the storyline, the characters, the layout- everything about it makes me so happy! :D don't be so negative about it, it actually rocks! it almost made me wanna change my drawing style xD
Skiptrix Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2011
Ever had that feeling when you want to hug someone you've never met in an attempt to just make it right?
Iopichio Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2011  Professional General Artist
dude pull your shit together

as much as i partially understand, as most of us artists will, the position of self "awareness" you are going through, I have to tell you the only way to solve it.


am serious, thinking more and more about it, going over and over, over the same problem (you), will not solve anything and (not surprisingly) make people around you end up hating you because either they can't be bothered to understand, or they choose not to. And sadly enough, this will eventually apply to you yourself.

Is what depression is all about, it may seem the hardest thing in the world, we have all been through it, but you simply have to say "no" to yourself, stop, and actually DO something, anything, take a cooking class, sometimes the weirdest things end up solving your life, you just have to get out of there, of yourself, take a trip, or go for bike ride, when you are done, come back, grab your pen and don't think. Just do it.
Asheill Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2011
I'll bet you come out of this like a phoenix from the ashes. Better and new. We can't tell you to hurry up, because you can only take as much time as you need to keep on rockin'.

Also, the fact that you're not happy with how a page turns out or something means you're getting better at it! You kind of told us that anyway, but this is a great way to improve! I figure we all have our stuff to sort out and we can't expect you to be abnormal and just pop out a page a day of something most of us would never have the patience or drive to do and continue in the frist place.

I support you and am so glad that you didn't decide to give this up! We certainly haven't given up on you and I hope that things let up for ya!

Please, take your time. If you don't; you'll regret it even more later! We love you!

(Also, I wish I had said this earlier, but you are one of the people that inspire me to do more with my art. Yours is the first webcomic I've read and now I've read so many, but yours still sticks up as the one that affects me the most. I love it! It's so unlike many other webcomics and you pull it off amazingly well; your style is very unique and frankly rocks! You have mad e adifference to us already, no matter what the outcome! Don't worry about us, you already have our support!)
Sway-With-Shay Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2010
With the whole self-concious, I-can't-talk-to-people, I-dwell-on-my-mistakes, I-put-myself-down thing, I totally understand. TOTALLY. The comic bit, not so much, but the other stuff: totally get cha (I say 'totally' too much).
Those are the kind of issues I'm constantly struggling with. They've gotten a little better over the years, but I'm still pretty bad about it.
I wish I could give you some advise on this... but I've got nothin'. I'm a little useless to you, other than the prospect that you're not alone.
I wish you all the luck I have, for both you and Hanna (the comic, not the character...though I'm sure he needs luck, too). :heart:
bobpwns21 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2010
I love your and your comic. I hope things get better for you and that you feel better. <3
RS-Kyra Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2010  Student Photographer
Honestly, I love the comic because it implores the same mix of randomness, angst, and overall "mood" that's usually dominating my brain.

You scared me for a second ^^; I was afraid you were going to stop production. Long updates are fine as long as they're there, ya know?
AnkhFalcon Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah....I totally understand what you feel....You got the guts to keep that up. And yes, we're all human; we all doubt of ourselves. Keep trying, fighting. We're behind ya.
ilovezimandgir123 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2010  Student Digital Artist

deviantART muro drawingComment Drawing
blackhatpirate Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
I highly doubt you will read this but , um i will be asking you if i can post the pages in a group if that is okay with you.
Taisi-san Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Dude--no worries. I mean, your comic is brilliant. YOU'RE brilliant. And I can guarantee that all of us on this end are rooting for you. C: So just do what you gotta do and take as much time as you need.
silverhearts23 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
dude, don't beat yourself up. We all have those, 'you think this is good?' moments. everyone makes mistakes, and everyone is their own worst critic. Don't beat yourself up because you need to let it out, it's not sappy, it's human. And don't worry. Even if not all of us are famous and so can't completely relate to this, we get most of what you're saying and support you 100%. And, if anything, the people who read this are probably going to have more respect for you for being so honest. Don't worry. We all support you.

and, on a slightly less serious note, I WANNA GO TO OTAKON TOO!!!
turq-dorian Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2010  Professional Writer
I understand you. As weird as that sounds seeing as we've never met, I'm in the same place right now, so I get it.

I started this novel two years ago called Monarch which was meant to be just a "writing exercise," a way to get a first novel written, learn from it, and then work toward writing a different, good novel which could be published. And then I fell in love with the characters - I even catch myself thinking or acting like the MC sometimes, but I think that's because I wrote it all in first person, from his point of view. As unimportant as this story was at first, it's become, for lack of a better phrase, stitched to my soul.

And now that that's happened, I worry about it. A LOT. Before I started to care about it I could write pages and pages a day - there was this constant flow of ideas (albeit not very good ones, probably), but I didn't care. I was having fun, getting lost in that world. Now, it feels like I'm always questioning my writing, wondering if it's "good enough." When people review it and say nice things about one passage or another, I'm wondering if those were the only good passages for them. If the rest didn't strike a chord.

And yes, I have similar social stresses to the ones you do. I don't think I've really ever admitted that, to anyone, because that would be even more stressful for me. I think what it is is that we're both petrified of the things we care about, as strange as that is - your art, my writing, making good impressions on the people we'd like to impress. I don't know what the solution is, I haven't found it, but I felt a bit of relief reading this because it let me know I'm not the only one. I figured I'd try to return the favor, and let you know: I get it.

Take care, and good luck! I love your comics by the way.
I think I'm a bit late for all of this, but I think that part of your stress is that you feel like there's more to lose--but I don't think people here would leave you if you stumbled or tripped. That's just being human. You restrain yourself too much in social connections, I think. But that's also just being human.
I love HINABN with a passion, because it's how I perceive people in my own weirded-out mind. Friends and I always run out the door with some half-assed thought yelling "LET'S GO ON AN AAAADVENTURE!" And Hanna seems to reflect that and now inspires me to believe in the ideas my friends and I have.
I wish I could tell you how much you inspire me by your own honesty and straight up trial-and-error way of working, but I think I'm edging on "Creeper" labeling here.
I'm terrible at writing in English. Just now realized that.
Agh, anyways. I think you telling yourself to chill is a good and bad idea; then again I'm that kind of kid that thinks that my classes directly correlate with my everyday coincidences. One of my classes at my University requires me to read a book called the Artists' Way. I think you should check it out. Some of the stuff in there has helped me get past a bunch of my own artblocks (though I can't post them as I have no scanner ;n;) . Blaghaghagh. I guess if you want me to explain more or just be like "wtf were you trying to say?" you could note me or something.
There's just a lot I want to respond to in your journal and not enough English to say in a comment >.<
Panda-In-A-Box Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2010
Thanks for producing such a fun comic, go kick some ass!
MingTheCat Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
i just started reading it. i love your art. i love the sorta boxy-ish way of drawing the chars. i love just... just looking at home simplistic the art style is yet it so captures the characters.
MingTheCat Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
xXxMiZuMiXmIkOxXx Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i don't know what to day because i fail with words (and i'm sorry for being a dead watcher it seems but i love your work), but gosh i am so happy for you. <3 you well deserve all the joy you can get :heart: your art is wonderful. you've done so much incredible things having it only for a year. it's okay you haven't figured everything out because this is my third year with my to-be webcomic and i've YEARS to go. the fact you can do so much great things in so little time.. you're a wonderful artist with a great series. i'm happy for you. <3
indigoblueshine Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010   Traditional Artist
Hey, Tessa! I was one of the Toni's at DragonCon, and I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it was to have met you. Now, pretty much everything in this comment is going to be incredibly personal, and this is pretty much everything I wanted to say to you at DragonCon, but couldn't find the words. I still haven't, in a way, because the way you create and design and the comic itself are all indescribable in the most amazing ways.

This is going to sound incredibly creepy and freakish of me to some people, but whatever, haha. Hanna is not a Boy's Name has changed my life. When I first read the comic it's like my muse was raised from the dead, I immediately started writing and drawing again. There's something about the energy of this comic that makes it stand out so much compared to every other comic/movie/book I've read or seen.
And I've noticed that it draws in people who are incredibly similar to each other. Nearly everyone I've met through the fandom are wonderful, open, vibrant, crazy people, and I can say without a doubt that you'll always have their support for whatever you choose to do with the comic, because we are all connected to it. Every character you created has their flaws, has their strengths, have their crazy weird quirks, and that opens up the door for people to connect to them. One of the main things that drew me to the comic is that every character is growing and learning and doing the exact same thing everyone in the world is doing: trying to find out who they are.

Now, there have been multiple happenings in my life that are directly connected to Hanna is Not a Boy's Name, such as meeting the greatest friends and amazing people, and I can't thank you enoughfor creating and drawing and everything you've done. As a person I've been growing this summer, since June, when I found the comic, and now, several months later, I'm not even the same person anymore. I love life, I can connect with people, and creatively speaking Hanna will always be my anchor and fuel for creating. I'll always take a look around the city and find things that I'll instantly connect to Hanna. Your comic, your art, will always be a massive inspiration to me. I'll always love this comic because I've learned so much through it, and I can't let it go. Not in a creepy way, mind you, I'm just attached, and apparently many other people are, too.

And Tessa, please, please let go of any kind of negativity you have towards your art. Your art is fantastic and vibrant and a multitude of other words that match up with 'awesome' and 'amazing,' which is pretty much everything everyone else has said. And honestly, I think I can speak for pretty much all of the fans of the comic when I say we really don't see the flaws you're mentioning. Really, to me, it feels wrong to call anything concerning your art a 'flaw' because that word is too cold and too detached. Your art is crazy and real, and vibrant in ways I've never come across in comics. Your style of drawing has taught me to let go of flaws and screw ups, and just create. Tessa, when you're drawing and creating, don't hold anything back and don't even think about the flaws, because they're not there. Never were.

Okay, so, this comment is insanely long and I'm gonna stop before I ramble again, haha! To put it in a nutshell: we, the fans of HiNaBN, love your work in ways that are probably unhealthy for some ( :XD: ) and you'll always have our support. Just take your time, don't worry about all of the people going 'UPDATE DAMMIT,' and don't worry at all about the 'flaws' that're bugging you. Just relax, meditate if you want, take all the time you need (we're not going anywhere, haha!) and let the comic flow. :heart:
pigeOWND Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2010  Student Filmographer
I just want you to know. I read all of that. :)
Emruki Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
Hello! C: It's midnight, and I finally caught up to the latest Hanna pages. It's been a pleasure to read, and I'm eager to see more. Technically and concept-wise, your handling of illustration and graphic design is marvelous. I can't even begin to explain my love of your color schemes, and your characters are delightful. (I don't think I've EVER fallen for a zombie before, but yours has a certain charm I find hard to resist. orz)

I think it's wonderful that you're always trying to improve your work by keeping your standards high (I'm told that Bill Watterson anguished over every single Calvin and Hobbes strip), but don't beat yourself up over a couple of embarrassing strips. It truly is unhealthy to obsess. Nobody makes every page perfect, but you can keep trying, and that's what's exciting! Personally, I find your experimentation with character-border-text interactions to be very eye-opening; it makes me want to try messing around with typical comic conventions, myself!

You're very inspirational. :] Even if you feel that you're not a social butterfly when it comes to communicating with everyone who wants to meet you and gush over your work, we understand that you're heart's in the right place, and that you have good intentions for Hanna. :heart:
BlueEyedAutumn Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2010
Um. So, this is a really late comment, and I've never commented on anything even though I love HiNaBN, because I'm shy and figuring out anything to say other than the obligitory "Omg, I love this!" is harder than it should be BUT...

Reading this sort of struck a cord with me so I just wanted to say that, first, I don't think you're sappy for feeling the way you do, or writing all of this.
You're a person. An amazing sincere person, just judging by what I've read here. And I think, as a part of the fan base for HiNaBN, it's really flattering and touching that you care enough about the comic and the fans that you would want to share this.

So. Yeah. As far as I can tell, by the comments already posted, we're all supportive of you and we'll wait patiently look forward to whenever you're able to update. :)

And now I'm gunna go hide under my rock again. ;)

P.S. - I hope your sickishness is gone soon.
snowtool Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010
I've never been much of a "sit down and read through comics and thought bubbles" kinda person. But Hanna Is Not A Boys Name has struck something. It's just fascinating. XD And funny. Frodrick the zombie is fucking cool. (Has called him Lerch before and it actually sounds right.)
I like it specifically because I love paranormal STUFF and funny all rolled up into one bubbly, dark, gothic, goofy, gory, ridiculous spree of ghost stories.

...And because Hanna is a Spazz like me. = D!!!!
clemon Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't worry.
chibighibli Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2010
Thanks for sharing. Your journal just proved that you're an /artist/, and not someone who's out to make a quick buck or get attention for your work. Maybe that's what everyone's attracted to... your sincerity.

x x x
brkuhlman Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2010  Professional General Artist
I think what you've stated is something similar that all artists struggle with to some extent. It's different and personal for each person, but your acknowledging it so speaks volumes. I could ramble on endless about my personal view, but all I really think I want to say is: You're marvelous! Your journey in art shall be even more so. :heart:
Lupenzo Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2010
I can identify with a lot of what you say about your mental struggles. If I may offer a suggestion, find some sort of exercise you enjoy to help take you "out of your head." Meditation might also help but it is likely you will need some structure to it at first (like a class) to keep it from devolving back into mental wrestling with yourself. I think you will find that regular exercise will reduce your anxiety and increase your confidence, strange as that may sound right now. But I have to admit this is hypothetical talk because I have not managed to keep at this myself. ^_^;;
Rainbow-man Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
Have you ever been in a situation where everything that needed to be said had already been said? Then it's your turn to say something, and the only thing you can think of was already done, and then you look like a total douche for not being able to say something other than, "they took what I was gunna say?"

I have! Haha, all of your fans are so supportive (and more eloquent than I) that I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. You're amazing, you comic is fantastic, I'm going to buy a book and a t-shirt, and think about you every time I'm drawing up some Hanna, which is really, really often lately. -laugh- You're amazing, and assuming you care/ are reading these terrible saccharine comments about people who don't really know you but love you regardless (because they/we actually do), know that everyone who reads this comic-- myself included, 110%-- respects you like woah and thinks you're amazing.

Also, as an amusing side note, it makes me giggle when people are just like, "cheer up, butter cup," because, as adorable and warm-making that phrase is, it's pretty useless to just suddenly stop thinking something. Just like yelling at someone with a cold to just get over it; it doesn't work, and the best people can do is offer you some chicken soup for the soul ((but not the books because they sucked a little bit, assuming you know what books I'm talking about and that joke was even funny)) and send you love, and hope you get better.

So, here is my fond farewell, and best wishes!

(Also also. If I made any typing errors... whoops. I'm sorry that I'm so lazy that I can write you a sorry note about being lazy, and not actually fix the frigg'n letter sized comment itself.)
Zelriku Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I love this comic, I love this fandom, and I love you. This community is unlike any I've ever been a part of, and it's all thanks to you, Tessa. x]

Just wanted to get that out there with all of the other people supporting you here.
SolomonMars Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2010  Professional Filmographer
sorry i'm just now getting around to reading this. and replying.

but i must say... this is the purest stream of consciousness and heart i have read from a creator in a loooong while.

i can fully relate to you as i've been out of college for about 4 1/2 months now and doing my own comic series since then and i have gone through these exact same stages in my life, since. (i just came out of a serious depression, and was dumped face first into financial worries & stress)

so much can psych you out and hype you up at the same time it creates a implosion in your mind... i feel you... i do.

i really enjoy your work and the passion you put into it, it really is an inspiration.
i honestly wish we could all get to that point we're trying to reach easily, but it seems like a hard and strange path to travel.
but like you... i'm going to keep pressing on and moving forward.

seriously you are so sweet and great for putting it all out here for people to read
(both this journal and your comics)
and i hope your path becomes clearer and easier to walk in this crazy art world we exist on.
keep moving forward...
This is a little late, and you have a ton of other comments saying the exact same thing, but I don't care.

First of all, we all love you. We do. Because you are so human, because we can see how much Hanna means to you. You aren't just some artist that we could never hope to talk to, or if we did talk to you, you would look down at us, you know? You are just so human. You have faults like the rest of us, it's perfectly understandable, but it just makes us love you that much more.

You are such an inspiration to so many people{myself included}. Nobody would mind if, say, you needed to take a break from Hanna for a while. It can probably get pretty overwhelming, being so popular, getting so many comments and just so much general love. But remember, no matter how long you take a break for, your fans will always be there. :hug:
ShinigamiKanilla Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's not easy to be introvert, and I recognize myself in what you're saying...That aside, take all the time you need, take a breather, get yourself together, whatever it is that you need to do- us fans are here to support you through any mistakes or doubts you harbour. We all love Hanna so much, for different reasons, but I can tell that you put so much love and thought into the pages you make :)
DarkSenseiGirl Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2010
i'm not exactly sure how, but your journal just made me understand a huge part of my artistic-ego...s-so... thanks~ :) and~ :hug: :D
Limelight-Night Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2010
The Lady of Shallot.

If you haven't read it, it's a ballad about a lady who has an artist's delimma: she must choose to either create art that is of the world, or actually live in the world and stop creating.
The writer's point is that (in his opinion) artists alike can only observe the world to create art, but not be apart of it, because then they are in the distractions of the outside world.

So your problem is actually very relatable to many people is seems, inluding myself. =( That's not to say I know your situation as much as you do, so I apologize for any misconceptions I may have.
And don't feel that I am down-playing your problem- because it is ver much an important thing no matter how common or not it is. Obviously it dictates the way you live your life!

And you are always weighed down by guilt. D= All that guilt can be such a destructive thing. I have that problem as well and once again many other people do to it seems. Aha, pretty ridiculous when a simple mistake ruins your whole day because you just keep thinking of it no? But then I just fuck up the rest of the day with my down pissed-at-myself mood that forms when I get mad at myself for continuing to think about it. So it's like a never-ending chain reaction. For me at least.
However, this sort of thing seems to have roots into the past. So it seems for me at least and many other people. I dunno about you but you would know better than me!

I'm sorry I don't have any solutions to suggest- I feel like I'm going in circles when i try to find one for myself and my problems. I guess you're optimistic outlook is just one of the best options to take. =/
Spirit-Of-Dreams101 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your fans will always love ya, girl! *fist pump!* Never give up! Never surrender!
2Foxxie4U Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010
We'll always love you and believe in you, even if you don't fully believe in yourself. ^^
iiSorrow-Kinz Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I suffer from the exact opposite. I exude such self confidence and content with my being some people shy away, or mistake my content attitude towards my image as narcissism, or my confidence as insanity. But yet... I can't seem to work another page out of my fingers for my own comic, that I as well have grown to love. Oh how I desperately wish all the time that I could share it all with the world. Just at once, convey the story and the characters without having to pick up my tablet. But then I remember how much I love my art, and how much I love struggling over it. Really, you have a gift. Even though you claim to not be the best person socially, your hilarious and witty. Your art is defiantly something to be proud of, and from a fan stand point I can't point out something I didn't like. : )
climbtreez Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
In all honesty, the reason why I, personally, love your comic, is because the typography and the art is so different and in your face. I also really want to know what the back story behind .... is. So thank you for taking time out of your day to work on the comic, and I love you.... :shrug:
Scissorsmith Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010
Wow, um, so hi, I've never commented on anything you've submitted before, being as I apparently enjoy being the creepy, silent stalker type, but after reading this journal I felt like I really had to say something about how much your art and HINABN has effected my art and myself.

To start with, I am not, by any stretch, ready to do something as large and involved as Hanna, no matter what I seem to think. The thing is though, that your stuff has really shown me what I would LIKE to be able to do. Even your layouts are a part of the art instead of just breaking up the page to tell the story. I really like that about the comics, as it's something I have difficulty with. But, to be perfectly sappy and honest, it's given me a goal to work towards, not just to be better at comicing, but to really let my personality show through my work.

For a long time I was in a rut trying to find a new style that better expressed myself. Well, that and I hated how I drew so I was attempting to rectify that as well. XD Then I came across HINABN, which I had come across near the beginning when Conrad had just been attacked and that was as far as the comic had gone, and it was like a light came on in my head and started screaming yes. [[not in a creepy ass sex voice way, more like an over excited Will Ferrell]] It's given me new ways to look at colour and how to apply it, new ways to approach character design, and a new way to approach facial and body expression. Over, it's done wonders for my confidence in my art, which makes ME feel more confident. I still think I have a long way to go, but I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere now.

overall, I just want to say thank you for what you've given so far, and that I'm super excited that you're not canning Hanna. I'm more then happy to wait for the comics. Half the fun for me is checking the page and seeing if you've updated, though it's not so bad if you haven't. It's kind of like a russian rullet for when Christmas is going to show up. And yes, I get as excited for the comic as I do for Christmas. I know I'm lame. XD

Your work is some of my favorite out there, on par with my love of TJ and Amal and Terry Pratchet. They just seem to make the effort of slogging out of bed worth it. You know, other then the thought of fresh muffins. Those are pretty sweet ass too.
kialaoffire Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2010
I would like to thank you for makeing this comic. You just don't know how many times I have come home after a hard day at work or a bad day at school to sit down and read Hanna and just laugh my ass off. To have something turn a horriable day completly around is a rare thing now and days. And I'm sure many other readers would gladly agree with me. Don't worry so much on what could have been done. It all looks great. A hell of a lot better than what I could do! You are a great artist and you are doing something that is inspiring others. So keep up the good work, sweetie. And know we're not just Hannas fans but yours too!
lycchii Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2010  Student General Artist
this is probably gonna be like the other 300 or so wonderful comments you'll recieve in support...but I feel like I should say something hurhur.
Hanna is pretty much one of the most amazing comics I've ever read. Each page has amazing art, art I wish I could only DREAM of thinking up. I mean seriously. You probably have the most unique and fantastic style out there today. JEEZ GURL, you're an INTERNET FAD! And whats even better is that no one ever has anything bad to say about you. Everyone who's involved with the comic; whether it be a reader, fan artist, fan fictionist...everyone loves you, everyone loves eachother for loving this comic. I constantly browse dA and see people who are fans of Hanna and your work, even some of my favorite artists and I think, "wow, so they're a Hanna fan too?" and then I think..."well why wouldn't they be?" its true man. Hanna has every right to be as popular and loved as it is. Its an inspiration to so many of us, alot of us who want to be able to one day make a comic, a story, even a single CHARACTER by putting as much heart and soul into it as you do. In fact, its just inspiring to see the effect you've had on people with this comic. I could seriously sit and browse the entire internet finding places that Hanna has reached. And let me tell you, he's pretty much everywhere, and in a positive way.
Hanna doesn't have mistakes. Something like this is not a mistake. Sure, hypothetically you could make typos, draw something a little wonky, whatever...but its not a mistake. Art like this doesn't have a mistake. Not when you have a story that'll flow and continue to be great no matter whats on the page.
And bro, we're all here for you. I FEEL SAPPY MYSELF TYPING THIS WHOLE THING, but I guess what I mean to say is that if you ever need anyone to interact with comfortably, I bet there are many willing, friendly and incredible people here who are waiting to talk to you and comfort you. People who probably understand you better than the people you might know in real life. You're a huge inspiration to me and so many of your follows.

keep floatin on~
Shukketsu-Sakura Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
all i can really say is this: you never have to worry about what we think of you.
i promise on my life. :heart:
Zenophrenic Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2010
It's nice that you're able to see what's going on with yourself instead of struggling like most people do.
Self-diagnosis will save your ass more than once in your lifetime. c:
EmCaCo Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
I love your attitude towards your fans and your comic. That is as inspiring as the comic itself, and I'm not saying that lightly.
thetangerineotaku Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
Thank you for sharing so freely. I hope you can continue to grow and become more confident and sure of yourself. HiNaBN has brought so much joy to everyone who follows it, and I sincerely hope you receive as much or even more joy and fulfillment through working on this project. You deserve it.

/is incoherent, but I hope that made sense.
fishy-kun Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
Cagedmuse Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
I can definitely relate to how yer feeling, just hope everyone's comments help remind you how much you rock! Your comic is amazing and inspiring, and the effort and heart you put into it really shows! Just keep doing what you've been doing and it'll be awesome! :-)
Spevakan Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
Don't worry about it. I have the same problem to the point where I never get anything of real substance done mostly due to a combo of being completely irritated with what I'm working on and horrid horrid A.D.D. At least you've managed to make this really awesome comic going. I've only recently started reading HINABN and I think its pretty awesome. Keep up the good work on all that.
tari-chan18 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
From what I can gather, you seem to be very mature and psychologically on top of things (despite obvious turmoil). I can really see your mindset evolving into that of a professional artist. c:

I think HINABN has gotten to where it is because it is a fantastic story told in an utterly unique and wonderful way. You have the power to make that story into whatever you want it to be. I predict that you'll be floating on to great heights with Hanna.

Everything's gonna be alright. :thumbsup:
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